Are You THAT Parent?

Are you THAT Parent?

Recently, a parent asked for advice on how to help her 3 year old navigate preschool.  The child came home upset, describing how another child at preschool fights with her.  The teacher, when questioned, made light of it, saying it’s just kids.  The parent, clearly worried, was hesitant about bringing it up again with the teacher, explaining that she didn’t want to be THAT parent. And so, she wanted to know how to teach her 3-year-old to deal with the classmate.

Why are some of us so worried about being seen as THAT parent; the annoying one who questions the teacher and gives the impression (heaven forbid) that we think our child is special.

Looking back on my life as a parent, I can tell you that the biggest regrets I have are the times I was too worried about being THAT parent to stick up for my kids. 

I think we are shamed into feeling that way.  

I’ll never forget when my child brought home a first-grade spelling list with some words misspelled. I agonized over whether to say something. I didn’t want my kid practicing incorrect spellings, so I finally wrote a simple, polite note to the teacher.

The result? She didn’t speak to me for a week.

Labels like:

Helicopter Parent

Snowplow Parent

Drone Parent

And Tiger Mom 

make us second guess ourselves. 

We wonder, 

“Am I overstepping?”

“Will I be seen as difficult?”

“Should I just let it go?” 

“Am I being THAT parent?”  

Here is my advice.  If your gut tells you to speak up for your child, do it. 

I can tell you from experience that most of those teachers, parents, and camp counselors will never remember you or your child whether you speak up or not. 

How to be THAT Parent (The Right Way):  

Be polite and respectful. 

Ask questions. (Can you tell me what this looks like from your end?)  

Stay Calm.  

Suggest revisiting the issue in a week.  (This keeps the conversation open without feeling pushy.)

Smile!

What about the parents of that 3-year-old? I explained that trying to teach advanced social skills to 3-year-olds is an unrealistic expectation. Therefore, it is the responsibility of the teacher to get involved.  Yes, kids fight.  That’s when the adults in the room are expected to do the heavy lifting - not the 3-year-old  

My advice was:  You go be THAT parent.